Silver and BlueBlood

Him sure do talk

OK, all of you red-faced Cowboys’ fans: you can come out from under the bed and take the bag off your head. Emmitt Smith’s tenure at ESPN has mercifully come to an end.

While employed by ESPN, Emmitt was a cliche-spitting, infinity-splitting, stupidity-emitting, bumbling buffoon. To highlight and contrast his ineptitude as a broadcaster, the geniuses  at the worldwide leader of sports paired him with the incredibly bright, thoughtful, well-spoken, strongly-opinionated Steve Young. Another win for the 49ers (groan).

Any Cowboys’ fan could have told the ESPN brass that Emmitt wasn’t exactly a prime candidate to hire as a talking head. How many times did we suffer through a brutal interview featuring the all-time leading rusher? “Let myself tell you myself think…”

One blogger has made sport of Emmitt’s work at ESPN. Here are a few samples for your enjoyment:

1. “Wade [Phillips] inherit this success.” (Commentary: That may be true, but it also looks like someone will be inheriting Emmitt’s seat on Sunday NFL Countdown sometime soon.)
2. “My game-breaker go to Brett Favre.” (Commentary: And my dictionary go to Emmitt. Please, Emmitt, start reading.)
3. “And when defense felt my will, it was a total different game then.” (Commentary: Scoring touchdowns? Easy. Using adverbs? Impossible.)
4. “The Packers don’t has a running game.” (Commentary: And if this keeps up, ESPN will not has good ratings.)
5. “This team have not played confident football in three weeks.” (Commentary: I love it how Emmitt refuses to use contractions. Emmitt doesn’t cut corners!)
6. “He gets the ball over to their third read than most quarterback can.” (Commentary: I think Emmitt forgot a word here, but at least he didn’t say “He get the ball over…”)
7. “Mike Martz have this offense rollin’” (Commentary: And Emmitt have this grammar thing rollin’… NOT.)
8. “The Pittsburgh Steelers are not as good as everyone think they are.” (Commentary: What is Emmitt talking about? I thinks the Steelers is good!”)
9. “He deserve to be coach of the year.” (Commentary: I wasn’t sure who should be coach of the year, but Emmitt really swayed me with that argument.”)
10. “He’s gonna be the guy Tom Brady look for on third downs.” (Commentary: And I don’t think Emmitt’s gonna be the guy Webster look for when he updates his dictionary.)

Read the rest here, if you must. (Warning: Your brain may turn to mush.)

As a devoted fan of America’s Team, I would like to thank Emmitt for the memories and implore him to find a less loquacious means of keeping himself in the spotlight. (Shudders to think how that Hall of Fame acceptance speech is going to sound.)

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By most accounts, Jerry Jones and the Cowboys have had a pretty good off-season. Consider…

1. They rid themselves of the one-man wrecking crew, so he could be unleashed on the poor, unsuspecting slobs in Buffalo;
2. They cut their losses with washed-up SS Roy Williams;
3. They addressed the safety issue with Sensabaugh;
4. They lost Canty, but replaced him for much less money with a guy who may not be even a half-step down in quality;
5. They avoided Redskinitis and didn’t spend stupid money on pipedreams.

But the one thing Jones didn’t do is the one reason I have extra-low expectations for the 2009 campaign. He didn’t rid himself of his hand puppet. Wade Phillips remains the Cowboys’ sorry excuse for a head coach, despite the incredible weaknesses he has shown as a leader:

1. He is an excuse-maker. Whenever his team loses, he wants to talk about how they won this battle or did that thing, and if only this or that had happened differently, they would have won. When it comes to head coaches, stats are the refuge of  losers. The winners point to the scoreboard.
2. His constitution is too weak to handle the intense scrutiny and heat applied to the coach of the Dallas Cowboys. He is often put on the defensive by probing reporters. He never seems to command the room or maintain any sort of control. One can only wonder how in the world it is any different behind the closed doors of team meetings.
3. He is quick to accept credit for success (see last year’s defensive improvement after he apparently took over the play-calling, and his willingness to point out his success there.) He is just as quick to shift blame. I believe Mr Wade was still calling those signals the last two games of the season, right? And were those not the most disgraceful, heartless losses in recent memory, if not in team history? Yet, he axed his buddy Brian Stewart, who happened to be his hand-picked choice for defensive coordinator.
4. He was invisible during the whole T.O – Witten – Romo – Garrett imbroglio.
5. He was put under a gag order, and happily so, it seems, during the off-season, furthering his image as a hapless puppet and absolute joke.
6. He has never won a playoff game, and winning a playoff game is the minimum measure of success right now.

Yes, Wade is  whiny and weak. I believe that very weakness is the reason Jerry enjoys having him around. Jerry has had his fill of strong-willed coaches with massive egoes, ala Jimmy Johnson and Bill Parcells. Jones will be in charge, in absolute control, even to the detriment of his own team. Wade may have an excuse for every shortcoming, he may say with a straight face that a turd is a gold nugget, he may hide behind stats when losses pile up, but at least he lets Jones be his daddy.

With names like Shanahan, Gruden, Cowher, and Dungy in the free agent market, Jones opted to stay with Phillips. For that reason alone, one has to conclude his off-season to be a failure, and expect little more from his team. They left Texas stadium with a whimper and they will enter their new billion dollar digs with a wimp at the helm.

Great!

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Roger Goodell followed up news about a bad idea, namely taking the traditional Thanksgiving Day games away from the Cowboys and Lions and spreading them around, with news of an idea whose time has come. Fox News reports that Goodell has confirmed that one of the major items discussed at the Owners’ meetings is the expansion of the NFL regular season from 16 games to 17 or 18 games.

“We are looking at a variety of formats for restructuring,” Commissioner Roger Goodell said at the conclusion of the meetings. “Our goal is to improve the quality of what we’re doing.”

That is as much about decreasing the number of preseason games, which Goodell acknowledged are not quality games, as adding to the regular season. The latter, of course, is a way “to grow the game,” according to Goodell, as well as create additional revenue.

Few things are a bigger waste of a fan’s time than those final two weeks of preseason football. I can only think of MLB games any time prior to September, any NBA regular season game, all NHL regular season games and cottage cheese. Moreover, being the violent sport that it is, playing four or five preseason games only increases the probability that a few teams will start – and, sometimes, even conclude – their season without the services of a key player due to unnecessary injury.

We will cross our fingers and wait expectantly for the good news that the deed is done.

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Held Up

Everyone from ESPN to the Dallas Morning News is reporting that the Dallas Cowboys are shopping Bobby Carpenter. Expect it to be a tough sale with few takers…and no one willing to spend more than a 4th or 5th round pick for Goldilocks.

After being taken with the 18th pick in the first round of the 2006 draft, Bobby Carpenter has proven to be one of the larger first round busts in team history. Over the past two seasons, he has recorded just 7 tackles on defense. You have to go to special teams to find any sort of contribution at all. He recorded 30 special teams tackles during the recent two-season span.

For all of his genius, Bill Parcells has proven to have an Achilles’ heel related to former players of his. No matter how long in the tooth, how far removed from any real productivity, Big Bill brings them in wherever he is, because he “trusts” them. Bobby’s dad, Rob, was one of Parcells’ players when he was with the Giants. He was a productive player (fullback) and a favorite of the Tuna. No doubt, the Tuna’s belief in the man he once coached colored his evaluation of the man’s blond bombshell (or, make that bomb) progeny.

Anyway, the Cowboys shopping Carpenter reminds me of my wife insisting on having a garage sale before I haul off the junk that has been collecting in the garage for a couple years. It’s hard to find a buyer who treasures your trash enough to do much more than haul it away for you. Carpenter apparently lacks both the tools and the drive to excel at the highest level of football. I wonder, after the garage sale produces no buyers, will the Cowboys make a run to the nearest charity drop-off receptacle?

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Wonder what would prompt a man on the backside of his 40s to dedicate a blog – and a good deal of time and effort – to a NFL team? The answer, for me, is simple: it is a part of who I am.

I was a child of the sixties, and a teen in the seventies. My childhood and teen years are filled with memories of watching the great Dallas Cowboys teams take the field every week. There were breath-taking, Staubach-led come-from-behind victories. There were brilliant catches by acrobats like Drew Pearson, and bone-jarring tackles by headhunters like Cliff Harris. But above it all, hovering over the greatness that was – and is – the Dallas Cowboys’ organization, there was, as Roger Staubach fondly called him, “The man in the funny hat.” There was the always-stoic, never rattled, well-dressed, well-mannered, football genius…who just happened to be a man of ideals and principles. There was Tom Landry.

For twenty-eight years, Tom Landry was the steady hand at the wheel, guiding, directing, driving the men fortunate

Handle With Care

enough to wear the star. When Jerry Jones unceremoniously dumped the man whose name was synonymous with the Dallas Cowboys, it caused no small outcry among the fans. I know plenty who have never forgiven him for the clumsy way he handled our coach.

I was as angry as anyone, but I got over it. Jones realized the mess he had made of things, and, while it took awhile, he did mend the bridge between himself and his team and the man most responsible for building that team into unprecedented greatness.

When I came across the Dallas Morning News note that the 9′ statue of Landry, commissioned by the Jones family, and standing guard outside gate 1 at Texas Stadium, was to be moved to the Cowboys’ new digs, it made me nostalgic. I am comforted to know that the brilliant future Jones envisions for his team will not dismiss the glories of the past.

That magnificent likeness of The Coach will be a prominent reminder of the instrinsic values and singular focus that provided the bedrock foundation upon which greatness was built.

Tom Landry’s Legacy:

• Record: 250-162-6
• 14 Division titles
• 5 Conference titles
• 2 Super Bowl victories
• from 1966 – 1985, made 18 playoff appearances in 20 years
• from 1966-1985, 20 consecutive winning seasons

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Long before the NFL was America’s pastime, back when a midweek game meant messing up routines, risking injury, missing dinner with the family, and general aggravation, the NFL was looking for a second team to take a Thanksgiving Day game. Everyone said, “No thanks.” Everyone, that is, except Tex Schramm.

Pure Greatness!

Schramm, the architect of the Cowboys’ America’s Team persona, saw this as an opportunity to further set his team apart. He saw the chance to give the Cowboys a unique identity and to guarantee a national spotlight on a day when sleepy-eyed men, stuffed with turkey and stuffing, would love nothing better than to loosen their belts and watch some football.

That was then. Now, the NFL is the most profitable, highest profile professional sports organization in the country. Now, it is a multi-billion dollar business with mega-millionaire superstars and billion-dollar venues. Now, everyone wants a piece of the pie Tex baked.

Despite proof to the contrary, some complain that the late season Thursday game is a competitive advantage to the Cowboys and Lions. I don’t know which two teams they are watching in December!

Goodell has confirmed that he will not mess with the setup this season, but that he will consider rotating the games in

Turkey?

the future. I have just two words for the meddlesome man who wouldn’t make a decent wart on Rozelle’s rump: Booooo! Hisssss!

Hey, Rog, go do something worthwhile, like maybe setting some sort of rookie cap, so people aren’t clamoring not to get a top ten draft pick. Or, address the (apparent) declining efficiency of officiating in the league. Or, just count those stacks of money.

Whatever you do, keep your grubby little hands off Thanksgiving!

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Thou shalt not...

While still an ESPN analyst and before heading off with his anointing oil to resurrect yet another storied NFL franchise from a self-dug grave, Bill Parcells shared a list he had given to Tony Romo while he was the coach of the Cowboys. Admittedly, I am no Big Bill fan. He doesn’t need any additional fans; he is his own cheering section. He takes up all of the seats, so if you are going to be a Tuna fan, it’s standing-room only. I am, however, an admirer of his football genius. The man knows the game. He also knows a thing or two about what it takes to be a successful NFL player and leader of men.

Here are the commandments Parcells shared that Monday night in 2007:

1. Press or t.v., agents or advisors, family or wives, friends or relatives, fans or hangers on, ignore them on matters of football, they don’t know what’s happening here.

2. Don’t forget to have fun, but don’t be the class clown. Clowns and leaders don’t mix. Clowns can’t run a huddle.

3. A quarterback throws with his legs more than his arms. Squat and run. Fat quarterbacks can’t avoid the rush.

4. Know your job cold. This is not a game without errors. Keep yours to a minimum. Study.

5. Know your own players. Who’s fast? Who can catch? Who needs encouragement? Be precise. Know your opponent.

6. Be the same guy everyday. In condition, preparing to lead, studying your plan. A coach can’t prepare you for every eventuality. Prepare yourself and remember, impulse decisions usually equal mistakes.

7. Throwing the ball away is a good play. Sacks, interceptions, and fumbles are bad plays..Protect against those.

8. You must learn to manage the game. Personnel, play call, motions, ball handling, proper reads, accurate throws, play fakes. Clock, clock, clock, don’t you ever lose track of the clock.

9. Passing stats and td passes are not how you’re gonna be judged. Your job is to get your team in the endzone and that’s how you’re gonna be judged.

10. When all around you is in chaos, you must be the hand that steers the ship. If you have a panic button, so will everyone else. Our ship can’t have panic buttons.

11. Don’t be a celebrity quarterback. We don’t need any of those. We need battlefield commanders that are willing to fight it out everyday, every week, and every season, and lead their team to win after win after win.

Now, here’s the question. How has Tony graded out so far? Is he keeping the commandments he reportedly kept handy and referenced on a regular basis? Or has he transgressed and therefore regressed in his development as a quarterback? Let’s have a look…

1. On the matter of listening to football outsiders who may be personal insiders when it comes to football…who knows? Only Tony knows how much he allows Jessica Simpson, her dad, the media, bloggers, the old lady behind him in the grocery line and sundry other hangers on to impact his thinking and approach to the game.
2. On having fun, no one would ever accuse Romo of anything less. Just look at his possum-eating-peat seed grin or the way he gives a ref a slap on the butt after a great play. But in the matter of class clown: well, maybe…
3. Squatting and running. I don’t get to watch his daily workout routine (and thankfully, he doesn’t have to watch mine.) He isn’t fat. He does, however, seem to be subject to wearing down as the season wears on. Just compare his December numbers with those in September and October.
4. Knowing the job; minimizing errors. Fail! When a quarterback says a pick is just like a punt, he doesn’t know his job cold.
5. Know your own players and your opponent. AMostl indications are that Romo is studious, that he works hard at his craft. There have, however, been murmurings about sloppy practices. Hmmm.
6. “Impulse decisions usually equal mistakes.” Is Tony impulsive? Is maple syrup sweet? Do roosters crow in the morning? Do coaches hate those halftime on-the-way-to-the-locker-room interviews?
7. Protect the ball; throw it away when necessary. (Cough) Fail.
8. Clock and game management. I think Tony is actually one of the better quarterbacks at managing the clock and the game…in September and October.
9. Get to the End Zone. Are we talking September or December?
10. Don’t panic. We have seen some of that, especially in Decem…oh, you know.
11. Don’t be a celebrity quarterback. You mean like getting on stage and singing with your favorite band or keeping a high profile with your high profile girlfriend and stuff? Not Tony!

I won’t say Tony Romo is failing as the quarterback of this team. Not yet. It’s too early. He’s got too much promise to send him to remedial classes at this point. It might be helpful, though, if he wants to pass the coming tests – the ones that will either etablish his name among the greats of Cowboys lore or reduce him to a quivering mass of might have been – to keep a copy of Bill’s cheat sheet handy. Read it, Tony. Memorize it. Then, just do it.

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Cocaine Cowboy?

Former Arkansas Razorback quarterback-turned -NFL receiver Matt Jones has officially been released from the Jacksonville Jaguars. The troubled young man has had more than his share of run-ins with the law, all stemming from drug abuse. He was recently released from jail, having earned a stint there by testing positive for alcohol during a blood test, mandated by the terms of his probation.

Jones (Matt, not Jerry) is a bona fide talent. In the 2005 combine, he turned in a dazzling performance in the 40 yard dash. He caught 65 passes for 761 yards in 12 games last year. That was his best performance as a pro. He is 6′6, lightening fast, has a magnificent pair of hands…and tons of potential.

He also has a propensity for self-destruction. Anyone taking a serious look at him will have to do so with the understanding that he may or may not be able to get his act together. Thing is, with his troubles, he is likely to be a bargain basement deal. But, as we have learned more than once around Big D, cheap doesn’t always mean a good deal.

I expect Jerry Jones to take a long, hard look at Matt for these reasons:

• He was reportedly “giddy” about Jones’ performance at the combine in 2005 (see Todd Archer’s blog, Dallasnews.com)
• He has a soft spot for Hogs
• He especially has a soft spot for Hogs named Jones (and just look how nicely Felix was working out before that whole injury thing.)
• He is Jerry Jones, former wildcatter, riverboat gambler

If the Cowboys can snag the wide receiver for a one-year deal at the league minimum, it may be a reclamation project worth the risk.

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