It has been 16 years since the Dallas Cowboys beat the Pittsburgh Steelers in Super Bowl XXX. In those sixteen years, the Cowboys have made the playoffs just seven times. In those seven playoff appearances, they have managed to win but two games.

On January 1, 2012, the Cowboys needed to get one win at home against the New York Giants. Just one win and they would be NFC East champions and playoff bound. Of course, the Giants clobbered the Cowboys 31–14 and took the first step towards the unlikeliest Super Bowl triumph since the last time the G-men won the Super Bowl.

The game that catapulted the Giants into history relegated the Cowboys to ancient history. The team that was once considered the shining star, the flagship franchise of America’s greatest professional sports league is now all but irrelevant.

During the sixteen years since their last taste of glory, the Cowboys have wandered aimlessly through the Wilderness of Mediocrity. They have employed six head coaches and been led by seven different quarterbacks. But the man with the compass, the fearless leader of this ill-fated expedition is the only general manager the team has ever had under owner Jerry Jones.

That would be GM Jerry Jones.

Jones and those in his deluded company may console themselves by saying, “Look! The team that beat us to get into the playoffs won the Super Bowl.”

Bitter fans, however, will be incensed and say, “Look! The team that beat us to get into the playoffs won the Super Bowl.”

What Jerry sees as hopeful, the discouraged, disheartened, distrustful fan will see as hopeless.

Ah, Jerry Jones.

Here is a fellow that says, “Come with me. I know the way.”

But he keeps changing the map, altering the direction and getting nowhere. Long ago, it became painfully apparent to anyone paying attention that Jerry Jones does not know the way, he cannot read a map and when it comes to building and guiding a successful NFL franchise, he is as lost as a goose in the desert.

Meanwhile the Roman numerals keep rolling. Each passing Super Bowl is another mile marker along the Lost Highway for the driver that has no idea how to get there and is too stubborn to ask directions of anyone that does.

Somewhere a coyote howls, a tumbleweed ambles aimlessly across the lonesome prairie and Jerry Jones studies his map.

Stop me if you have heard this before:

“We’ll make some changes; I’ll assure you we’ll make changes. When you work for yourself, there’s not but one thing to change — that’s what’s in that mirror.”

This was what Jerry Jones told WFAA Channel 8 News, after the New York Giants whipped the Atlanta Falcons in round one of the NFL playoffs, a game the Cowboys could have been hosting if they had beaten the Giants just once in two shots this season.

Of course, Jones has already stated that he will not consider stepping down as general manager of the team, despite the fact that he is the only constant in a fifteen–year mess of mediocrity in which his team has found itself mired.

So what change is he making when he looks in that mirror, anyway? He already has his false teeth and facelift. What is he going to do, get a Botox treatment?

Actually, we may already be getting our answer. According to reports, defensive backs coach Dave Campo will not have his contract renewed. This is hardly a surprise when you consider the Cowboys were among the league’s worst in pass defense.

Campo is an easy target. It would be way too much egg on Jerry’s augmented face to admit that Rob Ryan is not the answer.

By the way, Ryan is not the answer. Hisinsistence on keeping with all-out blitzes in the must-win last game of the season, despite their ineffectiveness, contributed to the Cowboys sitting out yet another postseason. Ryan constantly left his overmatched defensive backs on islands they were not equipped to man. He proved he is less innovative and more predictable than any member of the overrated Ryan clan is ever apt to confess.

Rob will stay. Campo will not.

Chances are pretty good Terrence Newman will also find himself looking for gainful employment, possibly along with free agent Abram Elam.

Changes will come. Jones will make good on that much of his promise. But changing the man in the mirror?

That leopard’s spots are immutable, friend. Jerry Jones will still be the same ineffective, clueless “football” man he has always been.

And the more things change, the more they will stay the same.

It is time for a Jones family coup.

It is time for the Jones family to salvage what is left of their dignity and community status. This mess Papa Jerry Jones is making of the Dallas Cowboys threatens to destroy every shred of goodwill the people of Dallas/Fort Worth ever had for the Arkansas clan.

After the Cowboys concluded yet another disappointing, playoff-missing season with an 8-8 record, which they achieved by dropping four of their last five games, Jones was peppered with the usual questions about hiring a general manager.

The stubborn ol’ coot once again stood his ground, set his jaw and defiantly declared himself the best man for the job. At this point, exactly one person in the universe believes that to be true: Jerry Jones.

Jerry’s reasoning is beyond ridiculous.

David Moore of DallasNews.com shared the belligerent owner’s reaction to the idea of the Cowboys bringing a football man like Bill Polian on board as GM:

“I know we can do better, but I think there are some positives there.”

“I’d call on the very same kinds of influence and people and the information that someone like Bill Polian does.”

“The way we’re structured and the way it is, our fans need to understand that I have the ability to go get anybody and any bit of information that there is, sports or football, and I do. I go get it. We get it from a lot of sources.”

If you really listen to what Jones is saying, it is pretty clear that he has lost the last shred of sanity he possessed. He thinks that telling Joe Fan that he hasn’t been acting unilaterally all these years will make the mediocrity he has mired this club in easier to digest. He thinks he can fool the entire world. He thinks that if he can just make you understand that he really is the best choice for GM of the Dallas Cowboys, everything will be just fine.

But you ain’t buying it. Neither am I. Neither is anyone else in the known universe.

During the 15-year period from 1997–2011, Jerry Jones’ Cowboys have posted a regular season record of 120–120. They have been to the playoffs six times. They have one playoff victory.

The Dallas Cowboys plowed through five head coaches during the aforementioned span. Jason Garrett is coach number six. One of those coaches, Dave Campo (the current defensive backs coach), rode herd over three consecutive 5–11 teams.

We are not talking about the Cardinals here! This is the Dallas Cowboys. And these are the Dark Ages in this team’s storied existence. Fans of America’s Team continue to suffer through the longest Super Bowl drought in franchise history with no sign of relief on the horizon and no reason to hope for a better tomorrow.

Still, Jones says hiring a general manager would “deter from the mix” at Cowboys headquarters. This has to be among the most insane things the man has said to date. He is overseeing a faltering, failing organization but does not want to mess up the chemistry?

Huh?

Jerry “Nero” Jones continues to fiddle while Rome burns and nobody can do a thing about it. Unless…his own family joins together and overthrows the tyrant.

A Jones family coup may be the only thing that can save the Cowboys from the destructive force of an insane owner.

The Dallas Cowboys are under new ownership, and have been for awhile now.

No, I am not reporting that the Jones family has sold one of the world’s most valuable sports franchises. The ownership exchange has not been the result of an asset exchange. It has been more of a hostile takeover.

Let me explain.

Andy Reid owns the Dallas Cowboys

In 13 seasons as head coach of the Philadelphia Eagles, Reid has posted a 17–9 record versus America’s Former Team. While the Cowboys have ventured past the first round of the playoffs but once in that span, Reid’s Eagles have won seven division titles, played in five NFC championship games and been to one Super Bowl.

Oh, by the way, the Cowboys have plowed through five coaches in those 13 years. They have, however, kept the same GM. Apparently, owner Jerry Jones is willing to let coach Andy Reid dominate his team year after year, just as long as GM Jerry Jones gets to keep deluding himself into believing he is a competent “football man.”

The thing Jones is most proud of these days is his shiny new $1.2 billion play pretty in Arlington. But he doesn’t own that, either.

Eli Manning owns Cowboys Stadium

The Giants were the Cowboys’ first-ever opponent in the new stadium. Eli & Company spoiled the grand opening by beating the Cowboys. Eli would add insult to that injury by signing the locker room wall after the game.

“First win in the new stadium,” Eli wrote.

It would not be his last. Manning has posted a 3–0 record in Arlington.

Manning is not the only Cowboys opponent enjoying success in the place ESPN analyst Chris Carter called, “That night club the Dallas Cowboys call a football stadium.” The Cowboys’ overall record (to date) in the new stadium is 14–11. That amounts to a .56 winning percentage, barely above .500.

Of course, the underwhelming performance in the new stadium has everything to do with the teams Jones and his cronies have fielded and little or nothing to do with the new digs.

December owns Tony Romo and his Dallas Cowboys

For Tom Landry, December was important. The legendary coach that lead his team to 20 straight winning seasons, five Super Bowl appearances and two Lombardi trophies talked about streaking into the playoff. He put emphasis on playing your best football when it counted most.

Romo would, apparently, disagree with Landry. The current Cowboys QB has posted a December record  8–13. But he feels like people that pay attention to that sort of thing are just silly.

John Machota of DallasNews.com quotes Romo on the subject:

“The problem with December sometimes is I don’t know how many times you’re out of the playoffs, in the playoffs,” Romo said. “That stuff plays a role. Sometimes you’re sitting starters. Sometimes you don’t. Sometimes you’ve got Philly, Baltimore and the Giants to finish the year.

“You need to make it over 15 years is what you need to do, not four or five years. It’s just silly. Any stat you can make over a short period of time. That’s four games. Stats are just stuff, in that regard, they come and go with whatever’s in vogue recently.”

See? Stop worrying about how the Cowboys perform in December, you silly ol’ fan.

Who really owns the Dallas Cowboys? Jerry Jones does, of course! And he does not care how far into the ground he has to grind the once-proud franchise in order to prove it is his team and he will run it his way.

And so, if you are that lifelong fan that refers to the Dallas Cowboys as “my team,” you will just have to come to the stark realization these are not your Daddy’s Cowboys. They are not yours, either.

These Cowboys belong to Jerry “Blankety-Blank” Jones…and Andy Reid…and Eli Manning…and the cold, lonely howl of a lost December.

Sam Hurd, that is.

By now, you know the story. Hurd was busted allegedly trying to set himself up as a major player in the Chicagoland drug distribution business.

The following is an excerpt from a Washington Post report on Hurd’s arrest:

“Hurd told the [undercover federal] agent that he was interested in buying five to 10 kilograms of cocaine and 1,000 pounds of marijuana per week to distribute in the Chicago area…”

This goes way beyond the recreational drug use of a young, spoiled, rich athlete. This is a man intent on a significant illegal business venture.

All over the Dallas/Fort Worth Metroplex and around the country, Dallas Cowboys fans heaved a sigh of relief that this happened on another team’s watch. Those of us old enough to remember the “White House” days of the early ’90s when, along with other teammates, Michael Irvin maintained a party house where hookers and cocaine could be had in ample supply know this is news better brought from afar than from your own backyard.

ESPN.com has this little tidbit to remind us all of those halcyon days:

Irvin celebrated his 30th birthday with former Cowboy Alfredo Roberts. According to Texas Monthly, “Party favors included 10.3 grams of cocaine and more than an ounce of marijuana, assorted drug paraphernalia and sex toys.” He was also a regular at the “White House,” a private pleasure palace near the team’s training facility, where he and many teammates enjoyed their R&R, which apparently included just about any wanton activity you could imagine.

Sam Hurd, however, is just the injury that was added to the insults former Dallas Cowboys have brought to the windy city and their beloved Bears.

Let’s not forget Roy Williams and Marion Barber.

Roy Williams is a supremely gifted athlete, physically. He has all the tools that seem to point to great success in the NFL. This is why Cowboys owner Jerry Jones felt confident in forking over a first-, a third- and a sixth-round pick in the 2009 NFL draft to acquire the receiver from the Detroit Lions.

Three years later, Jones admitted it was a mistake, cut the underachieving receiver and the Bears scooped him up.

How has Williams panned out in Chicago so far? About like he did everywhere else. He has caught, to date, 26 passes for 357 yards and one touchdown.

The Bears also snatched up RB Marion Barber when the Cowboys released him this past offseason. The man Cowboys’ fans once called “the Barbarian” has repaid his new team with a pedestrian effort most of the time and a disastrous meltdown Sunday past.

When the Bears faced off against the NFL’s version of Clark Kent, rising superstar Tim Tebow, and his mighty Denver Broncos, it was not Tebow that was most responsible for the unlikely Broncos comeback victory.

It was Marion Barber.

The game was won. The Bears had the ball and needed but to run out the clock and go home mile high victors. But Barber committed the cardinal sin of running out of bounds and killing the clock, leaving Tebow just enough time to captain another comeback.

The Broncos sent the game into overtime and it appeared barber might redeem himself on a breakaway run, but he fumbled at his own 34 and cost his team the game.

Williams and Barber deal the Bears misery on the gridiron. Meanwhile, Hurd deals drugs on the side…and deals the franchise and the NFL a huge black eye.

While the Chicago brass contemplate the wisdom of signing Cowboys castoffs, somewhere far away, Jerry Jones is sighing his relief.

ESPN Video link: Roy Williams, Lance Briggs, Brian Urlacher react to news about Hurd

Where there is smoke, there is fire.

Unless, it is not smoke at all. Maybe it is just fog. And fog means water, which squelches fire.

None of that, of course, answers the question of the day: Is Nick Saban destined to become the next head coach of the Dallas Cowboys?

A few guys down at the Central Freight Lines terminal in Dallas confirm that Saban has, in fact, been told by Cowboys owner Jerry Jones to name his price. My friend John here in Mobile, Alabama (where I have been working for the past six months and counting) says it just ain’t so.

To be fair, the boys down on the docks are Cowboys fans; John, on the other hand, bleeds crimson.

Who is right?

Who knows?

I don’t and I doubt whether you do. So, let’s consider the reasons why and why not and try to reach a consensus, shall we?

Nick Saban WILL BE the next Cowboys coach because…

• Jerry Jones has only won Super Bowls with former NCAA champion coaches. And he is the only owner that can say that. Jimmy Johnson became the first coach in history to win both an NCAA national championship and a Lombardi trophy. Barry Switzer became the last. So far.
• Jerry Jones is to the NFL what P.T. Barnum was to the circus. He is the ultimate showman. He loves the spotlight and he loves to make the big splash. Hiring Saban would do that.
• Jerry Jones is sitting on a billion-dollar time bomb. The eighteenth wonder of the world, or whatever number it is, known as Cowboys Stadium is an investment unlike any the former wildcatter has ever made. The main thing Jones can do to put butts in those seats is field a championship-contending team. Another thing he can try is create a firestorm and stir interest with a controversial move like this. Whether it works or not, Jones will have the attention of the planet.

Nick Saban WILL NEVER coach the Dallas Cowboys because…

• He has been there and done that and by all reports was extremely unhappy in the NFL, where the demands of a head coach are of a quite different nature than those on a college coach. You cannot field a winner by just slick-talking your way into fielding a vastly superior football team. All NFL teams are supremely talented and today’s professional athlete does not always respond well to control freak coaches.
• Jerry Jones saw what happened in Miami. That franchise has still not completely recovered from the Saban trainwreck.
• Drew Brees. Saban could have signed him as a free agent. Instead, he traded a second round draft pick for Daunte Culpepper.
• Alabama. Saban is revered in the state that measures every coach against the ghost of Bear Bryant. Why would Saban leave sainthood to return to the only place he has ever been demonized in his coaching career– the NFL?
• Jerry Jones is an egomaniac. Nick Saban has his own sizable ego. Both men are control freaks. Jones is haunted by the unhappy marriage and very nasty divorce with Jimmy Johnson. He will not put himself in that position again…

Unless, of course, he feels he has no choice.

I am sure there are other factors to consider. Like money. I doubt, however, that the Crimson Tide will be outbid, even by Jerry Jones. Besides, this will not come down to just money. Saban has plenty of that and there is plenty more where that came from.

It will come down to ego.

Is Saban destined to coach the Dallas Cowboys?

I think not.

Jason Garrett is Jerry’s guy. He has all the tools: intelligence, leadership qualities, football acumen. He also understands as well as anyone can possibly understand how to coexist with Jerry’s Cowboys Stadium-sized ego.

Nick Saban will never be the head coach of the Dallas Cowboys.

Unless, of course, the team collapses under Garrett.

Does anyone have a BC powder?

Sunday was a familiar sight for beleaguered fans of America’s erstwhile Team.

Phoenix, Arizona is not known as a tough place to win a football game. Unless, of course you are the Phoenix Cardinals or the Dallas Cowboys. Historically, the Cardinals have struggled to win football games anywhere (with one brief Kurt Warner-induced respite) unless they are playing the Cowboys.

This Cowboys 19–13 overtime loss to the Cards had no business going to overtime and no business being a loss. Because it was both, it proved to be business as usual.

This loss also proved a few other things…

It proved Jerry Jones, the World’s Dumbest Billionaire (not an official title, but I am working on it), is wrong again. When he derisively called Jimmy Johnson a “walk-around coach” and intimated that it is better to have your head coach serve as his own offensive coordinator, he was dead stinking wrong.

At the end of regulation, Garrett apparently got lost on the sideline. He had two timeouts in his pocket and failed to use either of them when he should have. The Cowboys were driving for the winning score. A timeout would have bought them the opportunity to claim more of the Cardinals’ real estate and get rookie kicker Dan Bailey an easier shot at kicking a game-winning field goal.

Garrett eschewed using a timeout until his kicker was lining up and making a game-winning field goal. Then, at the last second, the Cowboys’ coach became the first in NFL history to ice his own kicker. As the ball sailed between the uprights, the referee was blowing the whistle and awarding the head coach/offensive coordinator his timeout.

Saying a head coach is better off serving as his own coordinator is almost as stupid as saying a team owner should serve as his own General Manager. Sunday was Exhibit A for Jimmy Johnson’s argument against a head coach bogging himself down in the minutia of coordinator duties. It is almost impossible to consider the big picture and control all the dirty details simultaneously.

Garrett’s inability to manage the clock and game strategy at the most crucial time in the contest is beyond inexplicable. it is inexcusable.

So, shut up, Jerry. Go peddle stupid somewhere else. We’ve had our fill.

Another thing the loss in the desert proved is that the Cowboys remain a middle-of-the-pack kind of team.

Good teams take care of business against bad teams. Middle-of-the-pack teams almost beat good teams (see the Jets and Patriots games) and then lose a game or three to bad teams. Good teams play disciplined football. So-so teams have players like Orlando Scandrick nullifying big plays by committing braindead penalties at inopportune times.

Green Bay is a good team. New Orleans. Good team. Dallas…you know. So-so.

NFL.com features a headline today that reads, “Cardinals Shock Cowboys in Overtime.” Only someone that has not paid attention to the Cowboys for the past decade and a half would be shocked by that debacle in the desert.

Jerry Jones ought to have the world by the tail. If you are a sports fan and a fan of financial security, notoriety and power, you would likely trade places with him in a heartbeat.

But Jones’ thirst for recognition is beyond insatiable: it is irrational. Despite being the owner of three Lombardi trophies and the owner of a franchise that has won five of them, despite having built his dream stadium to the accolades of the world, despite owning one of the signature franchises in the world’s greatest sports league, Jones still smarts over not getting credit for the success of the early ’90s Cowboys.

How else do you explain Jones’ response to the suggestion that Jason Garrett consider hiring an offensive coordinator?

Last week, Jones made the following statement during an interview on 105.3 The Fan in Dallas:

“Jimmy was what I call a walk-around coach. [Bill] Parcells was a walk-around coach. Joe Gibbs is a guy who believes that the head coach needs to be in charge of either the offense or the defense and needs to be the coordinator. It brings you stature, it involves you in the game and gives you more respect with the players.

“It’s different schools of thought. I’ve always thought that Jason Garrett could handle coordinating as well as being the head coach.”

So, Jones, in defense of Garrett acting as his own coordinator elects to denigrate the achievement of two of his former coaches— two coaches that just happen to have among the most impressive resumès in NFL history?

Granted, Jerry was responding to Jimmy Johnson’s insistance that Garrett should hire an offensive coordinator, an opinion the former Cowboys’ coach shared during the Fox pregame show a week ago Sunday.

So, you might say that Jimmy fired the first shot.

Still, Jones’ return volley was an overreach of gargantuan proportions.

This past weekend, Johnson fired back at Jones by naming several “walk-around” coaches, including Tom Landry and Don Shula and reminded Jones that between them they have won 20 Super Bowls. He wondered aloud whether Jones thought such men had the respect of his players.

We are closing in on being 20 years removed from the glory of the ’90s Cowboys. Almost universally, Jimmy Johnson has been seen as the architect and driving force behind the three championships won by that team, though he was not even present for the third one.

The fact that Johnson is given so much credit has been the driving force behind most every decision Jerry Jones has made since.

Everything Jerry Jones does as the owner of the Dallas Cowboys appears to be for the purpose of building a successful team in such a way that he will get the credit. I am convinced he would rather not win another Super Bowl than win one and have to defer credit to someone else. Thus, he does things like bringing in Bill Parcells just long enough to rescue the franchise from the quagmire of mediocrity a decade of his insane selfishness placed it in.

All of this rancor and recriminations notwithstanding, Jason Garrett may be the perfect answer for both Jerry Jones and the Dallas Cowboys fan. Garrett is, I believe, destined to greatness as an NFL head coach. He is also Jerry Jones’ very own, homegrown, hand-picked prodigy.

If Garrett wins it all, it may finally be a win-win for all.

Unless, of course, the world fails to give Jones credit for it.

And that's all I have to say...

You may have noticed a lack of activity around here recently. In addition to my current deployment (now in its sixth month), I confess I have just grown weary of pointing out everything that is wrong with this thing we can scarcely remember as the Dallas Cowboys, America’s Team.

My Mom, like a million other moms, said, “If you cannot say something nice about someone, don’t say anything at all.”

Clairee, the delightfully ornery character in the movie Steel Magnolias said, “If you can’t say something nice, come sit by me.”

Forrest Gump talked on a park bench for what appeared to be hours and concluded each subject with the words, “And that’s all I have to say about that.”

My wife thinks I should focus on being more positive. Since I have to consider that she may be right, I just don’t want to look too closely at the mess Jerry Jones— the ONE NFL GM that can never be fired no matter how utterly clueless he proves himself to be— has made of the team I am still trying very hard to love.

See? I cannot do it. I cannot say anything nice.

I tried, baby. I’m sorry.

And that is all I have to say about that.

Now that the tenth anniversary of 9/11 is done and we are no longer “all New Yorkers,” the good Texans can get back to being bitter about their team losing a game they were supposed to lose, but never should have lost.

Your Dallas Cowboys once again began an NFL season with a near-miss.

According to Tony Dungy, Rodney Harrison and Tyrannosaurus Rex Ryan, the Cowboys were supposed to lose to the New York Jets and lose big. None of them saw what was coming, because what was coming was a better team than Team Green. A better offense. A better coaching staff. A better game plan. A better quarterback…

Well, wait. Check that. The quarterback thing: Let me retract that. More talented? Yes. Better? Not so much.

So, who to blame?

Tony Romo is an obvious choice. First, he fumbles on the goal line, trying to make more out of a play than was there. This at a time when a field goal would have done just fine. Then, after the defense made a valiant stand to get him the ball and an opportunity to win the game in the waning minutes, he hit a wide open Darelle Revis right between the numbers.

This will have many saying, “Same ol’ same ol’.”

Or, “See? Romo sucks!”

We could blame the punt team. Or its coach: Joe DeCamillis. NFL teams are not supposed to give up a blocked punt to someone charging right up the gut.

A militant few will blame Jason Garrett just because he is redheaded or something like that. Those people I pay no attention to because they obviously do not know great coaching material when they see it.

I am going to go ahead and let my favorite punching bag share some of the blame. You know him as the man with the common name and the uncommon ability to turn the simplest communication into utter nonsense.

I am talking about the man whose commitment to winning has nothing to do with anything but his own ego. I am talking about the man that punked Tom Landry. I am talking about the only man in the history of the world to run off a coach immediately after his team won back-to-back championships.

I am talking about the man who found a way to stroke his ego and keep himself in the national spotlight without winning anything but the vote of the citizens of Arlington, Texas.

This man allowed his team’s archenemy, the Philadelphia Eagles, to swoop in and steal the free agent cornerback his team so desperately needed. This man pinches pennies on personnel from his magnificent billion-dollar edifice. This man was content to enter the 2011 NFL season dangerously thin at cornerback.

This man has a mortgage to pay.

This man had us all watching a kid named McCann do his dead-level best to cover Plaxico Burress.

Blame whomever you like. I say Jerry Jones is as much to blame as Tony Romo and the punt team.