Where there is smoke, there is fire.

Unless, it is not smoke at all. Maybe it is just fog. And fog means water, which squelches fire.

None of that, of course, answers the question of the day: Is Nick Saban destined to become the next head coach of the Dallas Cowboys?

A few guys down at the Central Freight Lines terminal in Dallas confirm that Saban has, in fact, been told by Cowboys owner Jerry Jones to name his price. My friend John here in Mobile, Alabama (where I have been working for the past six months and counting) says it just ain’t so.

To be fair, the boys down on the docks are Cowboys fans; John, on the other hand, bleeds crimson.

Who is right?

Who knows?

I don’t and I doubt whether you do. So, let’s consider the reasons why and why not and try to reach a consensus, shall we?

Nick Saban WILL BE the next Cowboys coach because…

• Jerry Jones has only won Super Bowls with former NCAA champion coaches. And he is the only owner that can say that. Jimmy Johnson became the first coach in history to win both an NCAA national championship and a Lombardi trophy. Barry Switzer became the last. So far.
• Jerry Jones is to the NFL what P.T. Barnum was to the circus. He is the ultimate showman. He loves the spotlight and he loves to make the big splash. Hiring Saban would do that.
• Jerry Jones is sitting on a billion-dollar time bomb. The eighteenth wonder of the world, or whatever number it is, known as Cowboys Stadium is an investment unlike any the former wildcatter has ever made. The main thing Jones can do to put butts in those seats is field a championship-contending team. Another thing he can try is create a firestorm and stir interest with a controversial move like this. Whether it works or not, Jones will have the attention of the planet.

Nick Saban WILL NEVER coach the Dallas Cowboys because…

• He has been there and done that and by all reports was extremely unhappy in the NFL, where the demands of a head coach are of a quite different nature than those on a college coach. You cannot field a winner by just slick-talking your way into fielding a vastly superior football team. All NFL teams are supremely talented and today’s professional athlete does not always respond well to control freak coaches.
• Jerry Jones saw what happened in Miami. That franchise has still not completely recovered from the Saban trainwreck.
• Drew Brees. Saban could have signed him as a free agent. Instead, he traded a second round draft pick for Daunte Culpepper.
• Alabama. Saban is revered in the state that measures every coach against the ghost of Bear Bryant. Why would Saban leave sainthood to return to the only place he has ever been demonized in his coaching career– the NFL?
• Jerry Jones is an egomaniac. Nick Saban has his own sizable ego. Both men are control freaks. Jones is haunted by the unhappy marriage and very nasty divorce with Jimmy Johnson. He will not put himself in that position again…

Unless, of course, he feels he has no choice.

I am sure there are other factors to consider. Like money. I doubt, however, that the Crimson Tide will be outbid, even by Jerry Jones. Besides, this will not come down to just money. Saban has plenty of that and there is plenty more where that came from.

It will come down to ego.

Is Saban destined to coach the Dallas Cowboys?

I think not.

Jason Garrett is Jerry’s guy. He has all the tools: intelligence, leadership qualities, football acumen. He also understands as well as anyone can possibly understand how to coexist with Jerry’s Cowboys Stadium-sized ego.

Nick Saban will never be the head coach of the Dallas Cowboys.

Unless, of course, the team collapses under Garrett.

Does anyone have a BC powder?

This morning, I am afflicted with Tony Romo Disease: A particularly nasty virus that leaves a writer dazed, confused and all but paralyzed.

There are so many ways to go with a Dallas Cowboys morning-after-the-train wreck article, I find myself staring at the keyboard.

There is so much to say, I find myself dumbfounded.

I could suggest to the mayor of Detroit that he present Tony Romo with the key to the city. And why not? Romo handed the keys to Cowboys Stadium to that beaten down city’s NFL football club. When the Lions could do nothing to help themselves, Romo provided that helping hand the Motor City has so long needed.

I could suggest to Jason Garrett that he pull Romo in the fourth quarter if his team has the lead and play him if the team is down. And why not? What QB has equal flair for single-handedly blowing big leads and guiding unlikely comeback victories?

I could float the theory that God is holding Jerry Jones to that deal he glibly joked about making with the Almighty in order to get that third Super Bowl win in the ’90s. Jones told that one on a 60 Minutes interview a year or so back.

On a similar note, I could muse as to whether Cowboys Stadium is cursed in some way. Think about it: After watching Texas A&M blow a 35–17 halftime lead, did you think there was any way in the wide world of sports a team could have a bigger meltdown on that very same field that very same weekend?

Me neither.

I could defend Tony Romo as the Cowboys’ best option at quarterback.

Or, I could finger Romo as the primary reason the Cowboys will not enjoy ultimate success any time soon.

Either way, I would be right.

Instead, since I am speechless, numb, dumbfounded and bewildered, I will let the inimitable Bob Costas say for me exactly what I was thinking…

According the ranting Chicago Bears defensive lineman-turned-talking head Dan Hampton, the Dallas Cowboys “think they are Clint Eastwood, but are more the Brokeback variety, if you know what I mean.”

I will leave the homophobic lamentations to those who worry over such things and instead focus on the implication and the meat head who made it.

Because they are a team of glitz and glamor, many through the years have dubbed the Cowboys as soft. It is and always has been a convenient label…and a crock of (human waste.)

In the NFL, soft teams don’t often play in Super Bowls. The Cowboys have played in eight, which is more than any other team. Soft teams surely do not win Super Bowls. The Cowboys have won five, a number only the Steelers have surpassed. Soft teams don’t feature someone nicknamed the Manster (half man, half monster.)

Speaking of Randy White, does anyone remember when he ripped Dan Hampton’s helmet off his head and bitch-slapped him with it? I suspect, though White’s age is now three years beyond the number 54 he wore on his jersey, he could still whip Hampton without getting winded. For that matter, Bob Lilly, who is only three years shy of his jersey number 74, could probably give the overrated lineman a whupping, as well.

Or, maybe Hampton would prefer to discuss toughness with Jay Ratliff or Marc Colombo…or Marion Barber, for that matter.

Hampton is just a Cowboy-hater. He always has been.

He also said he would like to be able to buy the Cowboys for what they are worth and sell them for what they think they are worth.

Well, who wouldn’t want to buy that team for what it is worth? That would mean you were a billionaire and didn’t have to sell yourself to the highest bidder to do something you are ill-equipped to do. It would mean you didn’t have to try to remember to be coherent while ranting on TV for a few bucks and a mess of pottage.

Obviously, Hampton thinks the Cowboys are soft and overrated. He also thinks that they overrate themselves. I am not exactly sure what hard factual information he gathered to help him reach that conclusion. I am sure his words were the product of a purely unbiased, analytical mind. I am confident he has empirical evidence to support his thesis.

Wait. No, I’m not. I just think he is a juvenile brat with a middle school mentality who could not resist the urge to try to be witty and funny in the presence of adults. I can appreciate that. I was 13 once, too.

The laugh-a-minute wit quickly followed his Cowboy trashing with the remark that the Minnesota Vikings should “hit New Orleans like Katrina.”

If you are in a Minneapolis bar, that is funny stuff. If you are a professional football analyst on national TV, it is kind of stupid at best. Besides, your witticism carries a lot less punch when you have to follow it up with your “sincerest apology.”

I guess Hampton never read Broadcasting for Dummies. Or, maybe he did.

Stay tuned. They may let him talk some more. Should be entertaining, if a little ignorant, insensitive and uninformed.

Cards for EVERY Cowboys Occasion

On this glorious Monday morning in Dallas, the morning after the biggest Cowboys win in two years, this enterprising entrepreneur is busy designing Thank You cards for the Cowboys fan too busy to write his own. The window for such a venture is very, very small, so I am wasting no time.

Here are a few of the offerings from the newly-formed Silver and Blue Blood Hallmark Moment Press.

To Andy Reid:

Dear Coach Reid,

Thank you for angering the football gods, annoying the officials, and poking Philadelphia fans in their bloodshot eyes, waving red flags like a demented matador with a death wish, and kicking a useless field goal with precious little time left and no timeouts in your pocket.

PS- My brother suggested you have David Akers on your fantasy team. Is this true?

To Victor Butler:

Dear Vic,

Thank you for making a play every single time you get an opportunity to do so (which is not very often, for some reason known only to Wade Phillips.) Your shoestring tackle of Donovan McNabb was a game-saver. We owe you. More importantly, Wade owes you a closer look.

To Tony Romo:

Dear Tony,

Thank you for growing up before our eyes. You turned your cap around, protected the football, withstood the blitz storm, made just enough positive plays, took sacks rather than throwing the ball up for grabs, and didn’t once use the word “fun” in your post-game interview.

To Miles Austin:

Dear Mr. Awesome,

Thank you for being the anti-T.O.

To Roy Williams:

Dear (the current) Roy Williams,

Thank you for navigating your way through all the “baiting” by local media types without going all T.O. on everybody.

To DeMarcus Ware:

Dear D Ware,

Thank you. Just…thank you.

To Greg Ellis:

Dear Fussy Pants,

Thank you for taking your bitching to Oakland. You would not believe the difference in attitude now that you are not a “team leader” …and Keith Brooking is.

To the Month of November:

Dear Mother of All Cowboy Months,

Thank you for being so kind to Romo and his Cowboys. Thirteen straight wins under your umbrella. No one has done that since 1950. Oh, and thank you for Thanksgiving and turkey and football (and family that helps eat the turkey and doesn’t interfere with the football.)

To Santa:

Dear SC,

All I want for Christmas is a December to remember for something besides late-season collapses.

These are just a few of the cards we are rolling out for the elated fan. Get yours now! Supplies are limited.

Poor Baby!

During the 2008 off-season, I began to call for Greg Ellis to be cut. I contended that, rather than being the leader he was purported to be, he had become a locker room cancer. In a recent radio interview – while on his way out of town to play for the NFL joke known as the Oakland Raiders – Ellis confirmed that he is more than just a selfish whine-bag: he is a moron, as well.

Here’s what the Dallas Morning News reports Ellis as saying:

“It’s a disgrace when DeMarcus Ware comes off the field just so I can get in the game and when the coaches tell him to come on the field, he tries to hide so I can play,” Ellis said during an appearance on ESPN 103.3′s Michael Irvin Show. “And you’re telling me we’re trying to win the Super Bowl?”

“On his own,” Ellis said. “He would say, ‘G, come on.’ And I would tell him, ‘No, DeMarcus, go ahead, man. You’re coming up on your contract year. Don’t mess that stuff up. Go ahead and do you, and we’re just going to do what the coaches, or whoever the powers that be, what they want to do.’”

This is wrong on so many levels.

First, I want you to notice that subtle nuance in paragraph two: the intimation that the only thing this is ever about is your own contract. I know this is professional sports and the man’s livelihood, but for four years, Ellis has made it crystal clear that he puts his own concerns above the team’s one hundred percent of the time. The guy was never underpaid. In fact, his compensation (that commisserate with a first-rounder) was more than adequate to reflect his performance and value to the team.

Second, a few days later on Sports Radio 1310 (the Ticket), I listened to an interview with DeMarcus Ware. He did not out-and-out call Ellis a liar, but he didn’t get his back either. He said, “I think I was in there like 95% of the time.” He said every time he happened to be on the sideline for a play, it was for a valid reason. Ware was certainly in there enough to record twenty sacks on the season!

Third, Ware being off the field has no bearing on Ellis being on the field. They do not play the same position. Ellis doesn’t back up Ware or vice versa. One is strong-side; the other weak-side. Ware won’t say it, so I will: Ellis is either twisting the truth, misinformed, or making up stories.

Fourth, Greg Ellis has to be a moron to think that the media would just bob their heads and accept whatever he said at face value, as though they don’t watch the games themselves, as though they don’t have access to the other player in question. And even if the media let it pass, knowledgeable fans will not.

For years, every time a Cowboy fan saw Ellis on the field, he was reminded of the player the Cowboys bypassed in order to draft him. That would be Randy Moss. While Ellis has enjoyed a career as a serviceable – but never a standout – player, Moss has stretched defenses, caused offensive coordinators nightmares, and established himself as a top five player at his position.

For four seasons, Ellis has spent every off-season bitching and posturing. If it wasn’t money, it was the team switching to the 3-4 (the move that helped finally make him a Pro Bowler for at least one season). Or, it was team management. It was always something. Then, the season would begin and he would be hailed as a team leader. No wonder they have gone nowhere in a dozen years. Leaders like that never take an organization to the pinnacle of success.

So, good riddance to poor, mistreated Greg and good luck to the Raiders.

When has “reality” ever felt more surreal?

It’s all set. Michael Irvin has his reality show, dubbed Fourth and Long. He has the dirty dozen contestants all penciled in. He has Spike TV set to run the series. And, most importantly – and most distressing to any level-headed Cowboys’ fan, he has Jerry Jones’ commitment of the 80th preseason roster spot reserved for the “winner.”

Hey, I don’t deny it’s a unique idea. Nor do I deny that I will set my DVR to record the series. I just think it sadly telling that while 31 other NFL franchises are working on bettering their football teams, Jones is adding another Big Top to the circus. He continues to prove that style often trumps substance, that being “America’s Team” is just as important to him as winning that sixth Super Bowl, that he cannot get enough of the limelight.

(Someone said the sponsor for the new stadium should be Barnum & Bailey & Ringling Brothers. Not a bad idea.)

At any rate, Cowboy Nation, Dancin’ To the Star is a done deal…may as well enjoy. If anyone can motivate a nobody to be somebody, if anyone can instill in an average athlete an above-average heart and desire, it’s Michael Friggin’ Irvin.

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The Cowboys released Roy Williams (the safety) because he could no longer cover his own shadow, and if he could, he couldn’t tackle it. Add to Williams’ disappearance about four years ago and his departure about that many days ago the fact that Ken Hamlin turned in a less-than-stellar 2008 (remember his matadorish attempts at tackling Ravens’ runners in week 16?), and you have a hellacious hole in the Cowboys’ last line of defense.

So, they signed Gerald Sensabaugh. Sensabaugh, on paper, makes sense. Consider that in 2008, Sensabaugh accounted for:

• 70 tackles
• 59 solo tackles
• 4 interceptions

Those are nice numbers. No doubt, talent-wise and potentially, he is an upgrade at an essentially vacant position.

On paper, good signing. But what about that other paper? What about the one that seems to come with, oh, every other free agent Jerry signs? I refer, of course, to the rap sheet! Sensabaugh was arrested as recently as last Tuesday, raising speculation that his chances of getting that lucrative FA deal was in jeopardy. This was the former Jaguar’s third scrape with John Law. You can read about it at Jacksonville.com.

A little morsel of the article to whet your appetite:

During the arrest, according to the report, police said they found three guns – a Glock 22, an International Arms AK-47 and a Bersa .380 – in the car. Police didn’t charge Sensabaugh for gun possession, which likely means the guns were being carried legally.

So, Jones turns loose the notorious bandits Pacman Jones and Tank Johnson and only picks up one outlaw to fill the void. Either he is slipping…or he isn’t done yet.