Silver and BlueBlood

"Yo! Ice Cream Man. Over here!"

The Dallas Cowboys beat the Giants Sunday. If you do not believe me, just ask head coach Wade Phillips. He will delight in telling you all of the good things his team did that day. He will outline all of the ways his team won.

It was, after all, a record-setting day for Tony Romo and a record-tying day for Jason Witten. The defense played well…well, if you don’t count that ridiculous 74-yard Brandon Jacobs “scamper” (if a play that lasts long enough for you to order and receive a Papa John’s pizza can be called a scamper) on a simple swing pass. Special teams were special except for that one little breakdown on the 78-yard punt return for a TD. You know, the one where every Cowboy on the field and half the ones on the sideline had their hands on him, but couldn’t get him to the ground.

Being a Dallas Cowboys fan these days can create enough mixed emotions to cause internal bleeding. On the one hand, of course, you want your team to succeed. You want them to bury the Ghost of Christmases Past and finally show up for December football.

On the other hand, however, you are desperate – desperate - to be rid of a head coach that just doesn’t get it…and never will. Wade Phillips will always have an excuse. He will always take consolation in statistics. He will always defend himself. He will never accept responsibility. He will never demand excellence of his players. He will never command respect.

He will, however, remain the head coach of the Dallas Cowboys if Jerry Jones can find the least excuse to keep him around.

So, as a Cowboys fan, you want success in December, sure. You want your team to finally get a playoff win after thirteen embarrassing years of mediocrity, underachievement, excuses, and disappointment.

But is it worth it?

A conundrum is what it is. Does any football fan want to hear the coach of his favorite team whine like a middle school girl to a room full of media types?

“I coach them the way I want to coach them,” Phillips said in response to a question about whether he ever gets as angry with his players as he does reporters, “And you can report the way you want to report.”

We will, Wade. We will call it like we see it. And what we see is a team that lost an important divisional game because of mental breakdowns and give-ups on four huge plays Sunday. What we see is a team that went into the game against the Giants with sole possession of first place in the NFC East, and came out tied with the Eagles. What we see is the Giants nipping at your heels, a season sweep of your Cowboys in their hip pockets.

What we see is the calendar, Wade. It reads, “December.” What we see is another late-season loss. What we see is you down-playing the loss, defending your team and demanding nothing (well, nothing except the respect you so desperately want from the media).

What we see is a light at the end of a thirteen-year long tunnel and we hope it is an oncoming train…and that it carries you away…far, far away, to a place where Decembers don’t matter, where early season wins are just as important as playoff victories, where stat sheets are equal to scoreboards, where reporters never badger beleaguered coaches, and where “ifs and buts” really are candy and nuts.

It is a wonderful place where all of your dreams can come true, Wade. It is just too bad that Dallas Cowboys fans will be forced to endure one more nightmare just so you can dream.

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Ha! You missed!

Cowboys 7, Redskins 6.

One could almost stop there and declare, “Enough said.” But it isn’t enough to repeat the shocking score from the Redskins’ first ever visit to the new Jerry World (aka, Cowboys’ Stadium).

No, we need to dig a little deeper if any lessons are to be learned from a 6-3 Cowboys team barely surviving against a 3-6 Washington squad. So, let us dig.

Lesson One is for Jason Garrett.

Hey, Red! Neither the media, nor the fans, nor a delusional owner are really qualified to hammer out a game plan. We know you took so much flak from all quarters after the Green Bay bit-spitting, that you decided you would show everyone and just run, run, run the ball.

Come on, man. Be a man. Plan your work and work your plan. Tell Jerry that he hired you to do a job and he can either allow you to do it or quit beating around the bush and do what he always dreamed of doing anyway: Namely, put on the headset and call the plays himself.

Granted, the plan Jason Garrett rolled out looked like it might work until the Marion Barber fumble deep in Redskins’ territory stalled the maiden drive. Still, Garrett ran and ran and ran some more. He ran so much that the passing game never really got untracked until desperation set in late in the fourth quarter, when it became eminently obvious that an upset was not only possible, but increasingly likely.

Everyone clamoring for more “balance” in the Cowboys’ attack might check the numbers from yesterday’s game. The running and passing were almost dead even. And the offense managed but seven points against a team that is contending for exactly nothing in 2009.

Lesson Two is for Wade Phillips.

Wade, you physical specimen, you. I cannot tell you how ridiculous you look when, after your defense has allowed the opponent to march into field goal range, only to have their kicker misfire, and you start fist-pumping and high-kicking like your team just accomplished something.

Please note that an unforced error by your opponent is not validation of your team’s prowess. Your defense was stellar and gave you plenty of opportunities and reasons to celebrate. Capitalize on those, if you must. Do cartwheels when they sack the quarterback, force a fumble, or get a pick to seal the deal (as they did yesterday). Just, please, for the sake of dignity, stop waving your pom poms on missed field goals.

Lesson Three is for Roy Williams.

Dear Roy, you are not in Midland anymore. You are not even in Austin. This is the NFL. You will not be able to put yourself on cruise control and rely on your natural talent to elevate you to the heights you envision for yourself. Everyone here is talented. And most of them are determined.

Get yourself some of that determination.

Lesson Four is for the Dallas Cowboys fan.

Your team is good, not great. They are talented, but not singularly talented.

The Dallas Cowboys have enough talent on the field to do some real damage in the playoffs, but the head coach is weak and the owner/general manager is…well, he’s Jerry. Enthusiasm for the team’s progress must be tempered by the knowledge that a weak head coach winning a Super Bowl title is an extremely rare occurrence in NFL history.

Lesson Five is for all of us.

This is the NFL. There are no Florida Internationals or Tennessee-Chattanoogas on the schedule. A win is a win…and it is precious.

“So, Good job everybody…?”

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Rival Coaches

There was a time when the Dallas Cowboys and Washington Redskins comprised one of the NFL’s fiercest and most notable rivalries. All of the cliches about “throw the records out the window when these two hook up” really did apply.

There was no love lost between the teams. Cowboys players like Staubach and Lilly really did despise those Redskins. The coaches didn’t like them either. And the feeling was mutual. It was, most fans thought, a rivalry for the ages.

Great stories exist between the two franchises, stories that date back to the very birth of the Dallas Cowboys. While original Cowboys’ owner Clint Murchison was trying to bring the NFL to Dallas, he bought the rights to the Redskins’ anthem, “Hail to the Redskins.” Murchison threatened to prevent the Redskins from using the song unless Redskins’ owner, George Preston Marshall agreed to back Murchison’s bid to land an NFL franchise. Marshall agreed to back the bid and Murchison returned the rights to the song to Marshall.

Then there was the flap over the original NFL “spy gate.” Before George Allen became the head coach of the Redskins, he was with the Los Angeles Rams. Dallas Cowboys’ General manager Tex Schramm claimed that Allen had sent his head scout to spy on a Cowboys’ practice. Schramm even filed an official complaint with the league that never went anywhere.

The unflappable Allen countered by claiming they had spotted Cowboys’ scout Frank “Bucko” Kilroy spying on their practice from the limb of a Eucalyptus tree. Kilroy was a 300 pounder. It was a good joke on Schramm and his Cowboys and it would later serve to fuel the Cowboys – Redskins rivary when Allen was named the ‘Skins’ head coach.

Then there was those classic games. From Clint Longley’s incredible comeback victory over the Redskins on Thanksgiving Day, 1974 to Staubach’s miraculous fourth quarter comeback victory in 1979 (final score: 35-34), Cowboys fans have many fond memories of this storied rivalry.

But so do Redskins’ fans. In the 1972 NFC Championship Game, the Redskins defeated the Cowboys, earning the right to play Miami in the Super Bowl. The Redskins would win their first Lombardi trophy that year.

The two teams have combined for 31 NFC East division titles and eight Super Bowl victories. Yes, it is a rivalry for the ages.

Or is it?

These days, it seems it is mostly just a rivalry for the aged.Only those fans with enough snow on the roof to remember the glories of the ’60s, ’70s, and ’80s can really appreciate the significance of Cowboys – Redskins.

For the Dallas Cowboys fan, the Redskins today are but a blip on the radar. Much more angst and ire are reserved for the hated Filthadelphia Eagles and the New York Giant-Pains-In-The-Arse. Those teams, year in and year out, represent a genuine threat to ruin any Cowboys’ hopes of winning the division.

The reason for the shift, one might think, is simple enough. The two teams just aren’t what they were. Neither the Cowboys nor the Redskins have fielded legitimate Super Bowl contending teams in a decade or more. When one has been decent, the other has been horrid. Just simple math.

Mere win-loss records, however, are not enough by themselves to shoot a good rivalry in the foot. It takes more. And we got it.

For the Cowboys fan, the trouble started when the Redskins hired Joe Gibbs. Here is the likable, upstanding, Christian coach who does everything the right way and never stirs the pot of controversy with ridiculous claims or incendiary remarks. Now, how is the Cowboy nation supposed to hate a man who reminds them so much of their beloved Tom Landry?

Then, there is that thing that has diluted all NFL rivalries: namely, Free Agency. Gone are the days when players spent their entire careers with the same team and played twice per year against the same divisional rivals. The players and coaches could really build up some animosity.

Not now. It’s just laundry. You play against the same uniforms every year (well, sort of; they are subject to frequent changes, too), but not the same team.

It isn’t just a problem of player movement, though. It is also the coaching carousel. The Cowboys had one coach patrolling the sideline for 28 years. In the last twenty years, they have had six. Not even the coaches have enough time to get really tired of losing to the same team every year.

So, when the Cowboys and Redskins line up against each other today, it won’t be to renew a rivalry. They will just be getting acquainted.

Popularity: 15% [?]

Cards for EVERY Cowboys Occasion

On this glorious Monday morning in Dallas, the morning after the biggest Cowboys win in two years, this enterprising entrepreneur is busy designing Thank You cards for the Cowboys fan too busy to write his own. The window for such a venture is very, very small, so I am wasting no time.

Here are a few of the offerings from the newly-formed Silver and Blue Blood Hallmark Moment Press.

To Andy Reid:

Dear Coach Reid,

Thank you for angering the football gods, annoying the officials, and poking Philadelphia fans in their bloodshot eyes, waving red flags like a demented matador with a death wish, and kicking a useless field goal with precious little time left and no timeouts in your pocket.

PS- My brother suggested you have David Akers on your fantasy team. Is this true?

To Victor Butler:

Dear Vic,

Thank you for making a play every single time you get an opportunity to do so (which is not very often, for some reason known only to Wade Phillips.) Your shoestring tackle of Donovan McNabb was a game-saver. We owe you. More importantly, Wade owes you a closer look.

To Tony Romo:

Dear Tony,

Thank you for growing up before our eyes. You turned your cap around, protected the football, withstood the blitz storm, made just enough positive plays, took sacks rather than throwing the ball up for grabs, and didn’t once use the word “fun” in your post-game interview.

To Miles Austin:

Dear Mr. Awesome,

Thank you for being the anti-T.O.

To Roy Williams:

Dear (the current) Roy Williams,

Thank you for navigating your way through all the “baiting” by local media types without going all T.O. on everybody.

To DeMarcus Ware:

Dear D Ware,

Thank you. Just…thank you.

To Greg Ellis:

Dear Fussy Pants,

Thank you for taking your bitching to Oakland. You would not believe the difference in attitude now that you are not a “team leader” …and Keith Brooking is.

To the Month of November:

Dear Mother of All Cowboy Months,

Thank you for being so kind to Romo and his Cowboys. Thirteen straight wins under your umbrella. No one has done that since 1950. Oh, and thank you for Thanksgiving and turkey and football (and family that helps eat the turkey and doesn’t interfere with the football.)

To Santa:

Dear SC,

All I want for Christmas is a December to remember for something besides late-season collapses.

These are just a few of the cards we are rolling out for the elated fan. Get yours now! Supplies are limited.

Popularity: 12% [?]

Will The Eagles Steal Christmas Again?

The NFC East is boiling down to the Big Three and the Big Mess. Dallas, Philadelphia, and New York will duke it out for the Division Title while the Redskins just duke it out. (Of course, this assumes the Giants will right their listing ship soon.)

All Dallas Cowboys fans get nervous as the holidays approach and the dreaded month of December looms like a team of deranged reindeer with bloody eyes furiously driven by a band of renegade elves. The way the ‘Pokes have played in December and January in recent years makes it hard to enjoy Santa’s bounty, even if it does include a wall-covering flat screen HD television. Who wants to see Wade Phillips and Jerry Jones explain and excuse all over themselves in such vivid detail, anyway?

But I digress.

The thing to do here is look at the schedule of the three legitimate contenders, compare them, and ask yourself, “Does my team have a snowball’s chance in the hot place of getting to ten or eleven wins and either winning the division or securing a wildcard spot?”

So, here goes…

For the New York Football Giants, the remaining schedule looks like this:

11/8, SAN DIEGO, 4:15 pm

11/15, BYE
11/22, ATLANTA, 1 pm
11/26 (Thu), @Denver, 8:20 pm
12/6, DALLAS, 4:15 pm
12/13, PHILADELPHIA, 8:20 pm
12/21 (Mon), @Washington, 8:30 pm
12/27, CAROLINA, 1 pm

1/3, @Minnesota, 1 pm

No cakewalk there, with six, maybe seven legitimate playoff contending teams on the docket. The remaining opponents have a .630 winning percentage to date.

The Giants are currently 5-3, with a bye week yet to come.

Next, the Philadelphia Eagles.

11/8, DALLAS, 8:20 pm

11/15,@San Diego, 4:15 pm
11/22, @Chicago, 8:20 pm
11/29, WASHINGTON, 1 pm
12/6, @Atlanta, 1 pm
12/13, @New York Giants, 8:20 pm
12/20, SAN FRANCISCO, 1 pm
12/27, DENVER, 1 pm

1/3, @Dallas, 1 pm

The Eagles’ homestretch run is brutal. Nine games left and eight of them against teams expecting to make a playoff run. Five of the nine games are on the road, and that last one, in Dallas, could conceivably be for all the NFC East marbles. Their upcoming foes have so far combined for a .600 winning percentage.

The Iggles are currently 5-2, tied with the ‘Pokes atop the East.

The Dallas Cowboys fare no better in the stretch run. They have posted a 5-2 record to date, having played one of the NFL’s most favorable schedules through seven games. But business picks up in town this Sunday, and the breaks are few and far between from there on.

Here’s how the Cowboys’ remaining schedule looks:

11/8, @Philadelphia, 8:20 pm

11/15, @Green Bay, 4:15 pm
11/22, WASHINGTON, 1 pm
11/26 (Thu), OAKLAND, 4:15 pm
12/6, @New York Giants, 4:15 pm
12/13, SAN DIEGO, 4:15 pm
12/19 (Sat), @New Orleans, 8:20 pm
12/27, @Washington, 8:20 pm

1/3, PHILADELPHIA, 1 pm

Oakland and Washington represent the only patsies on the remainder of the ‘Pokes’ schedule, and Washington is a division rival, and that always means something. The Cowboys’ remaining opponents have posted a .560 winning percentage to date.

December is the deal. That’s the month that haunts the Dallas Cowboys. They need to put to rest the Ghosts of Christmases Past and close strong.

Easy for me to say. It won’t be easy for them to do. Three of the five games in December are on the road, including tough trips to New Orleans (currently undefeated) and New York. The two weeks they do get to stay home, Norv Turner bring his Chargers, always a bit desperate themselves come the holidays, to town. Then, the Eagles will plan to ruin yet another new year in Big D.

The task begins Sunday in Philly, the scene of the merciless Massacre of 2008, the game that should have cost Wade Phillips his job and did cost Pac-Man Jones and Terrell Owens theirs. A win Sunday puts Dallas in the Drivers’ seat on an NFC East bus headed downhill with no brakes.

Better to be steering than steered on such trips.

Popularity: 2% [?]