Not since Davis was calling news conferences to castigate former coaches has the NFL seen craziness the likes of what is taking place in Arlington with your Cowboys.
Dallas Cowboys coaching staff remix
I will try to iron it out for you, so pay close attention and go ahead and grab a packet of BC Powder:
- The Cowboys have hired a new signal caller and passing game coordinator. He is Scott Linehan, lately of the Detroit Lions, where he was the OC.
- The Cowboys have not released last year’s play-caller, offensive coordinator Bill Callahan. They have, instead, taken away the play-calling duties and (I think) demoted (?) him to offensive line coach/running game coordinator. And the offensce wasn’t even the glaring problem in 2013!
- Defensively, the 2013 Cowboys set NFL and team records for haplessness and failure. Most observers supposed Jerry would put the 73 year defensive coordinator Monte Kiffin out to pasture. Not so! Instead he has been demoted from DC and replaced by last year’s assistant DC/defensive line coach, the much more youthful and in-touch 64 year old Rod Marinelli. (Thank Junior Miller of the Ticket Musers for pointing out the youth movement there.)
- Not so fast. Don’t say you got it. It gets better. The demoted Kiffin has apparently been promoted to assistant head coach.
- Furthermore, the demoted Callahan is reportedly upset with the changes, as you might expect. BUT, Jones will not fire him or let him out of his contract, tweets Ed Werder of ESPN, because they want him as a safety valve in case 2014 goes so badly that head coach Jason Garrett has to be fired mid-season. Jones considers Callahan the likeliest replacement in such an emergency.
So, Kiffin is no good as a DC, but will become assistant head coach and Callahan sucks as an OC, but is the best option for interim head coach should Garrett be fired. Makes perfect sense, right? And let’s not even mention the fact that not only will the Cowboys have three offensive play callers in three years, all three of them have head coaching experience. (I bet there won’t be any head-butting or conflict of ideas/agendas there!)
Former Cowboys coach Jimmy Johnson, when asked about the mess, made the understatement that it was too many cooks in the kitchen. My dad never said, but might have if he had thought of it before I did, “That is too many peckers pissing in the same pot.”
As he does annually, Jones saves his big moves for Super Bowl week. In lieu of hiring someone to build a team that actually contends for the Super Bowl, he elects to make moves to draw attention to the team he is leading to Hell in his inescapable hand basket.
A new definition for “Jerry World”
What I think we are failing to realize is that there is a world in which all of this makes perfect sense. It is an alternate world where three straight 8-8 seasons proves Jerry is doing his best job ever as general manager, like he said earlier this season. It is a world where Jerry thinks his team is “this close” to getting over the hump, despite historic meltdowns on defense and all-too-common untimely mistakes on offense. It is a world where the Cowboys are still America’s Team and its Owner/GM is revered and respected as a football mind.
It is a tiny little psychedelic world trapped inside the thick, rock-like walls of Jerry’s skull. It is the world that can only be seen by Jerry and only believed by simple, childlike faith in football fairy tales.
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