On this glorious Monday morning in Dallas, the morning after the biggest Cowboys win in two years, this enterprising entrepreneur is busy designing Thank You cards for the Cowboys fan too busy to write his own. The window for such a venture is very, very small, so I am wasting no time.
Here are a few of the offerings from the newly-formed Silver and Blue Blood Hallmark Moment Press.
To Andy Reid:
Dear Coach Reid,
Thank you for angering the football gods, annoying the officials, and poking Philadelphia fans in their bloodshot eyes, waving red flags like a demented matador with a death wish, and kicking a useless field goal with precious little time left and no timeouts in your pocket.
PS- My brother suggested you have David Akers on your fantasy team. Is this true?
To Victor Butler:
Thank you for making a play every single time you get an opportunity to do so (which is not very often, for some reason known only to Wade Phillips.) Your shoestring tackle of Donovan McNabb was a game-saver. We owe you. More importantly, Wade owes you a closer look.
To Tony Romo:
Thank you for growing up before our eyes. You turned your cap around, protected the football, withstood the blitz storm, made just enough positive plays, took sacks rather than throwing the ball up for grabs, and didn’t once use the word “fun” in your post-game interview.
To Miles Austin:
Dear Mr. Awesome,
Thank you for being the anti-T.O.
To Roy Williams:
Dear (the current) Roy Williams,
Thank you for navigating your way through all the “baiting” by local media types without going all T.O. on everybody.
To DeMarcus Ware:
Dear D Ware,
Thank you. Just…thank you.
To Greg Ellis:
Dear Fussy Pants,
Thank you for taking your bitching to Oakland. You would not believe the difference in attitude now that you are not a “team leader” …and Keith Brooking is.
To the Month of November:
Dear Mother of All Cowboy Months,
Thank you for being so kind to Romo and his Cowboys. Thirteen straight wins under your umbrella. No one has done that since 1950. Oh, and thank you for Thanksgiving and turkey and football (and family that helps eat the turkey and doesn’t interfere with the football.)
All I want for Christmas is a December to remember for something besides late-season collapses.
These are just a few of the cards we are rolling out for the elated fan. Get yours now! Supplies are limited.
Dear NFL Pundits on every major network,
Thank you for anointing the Giants, Saints, and Vikings as the greatest thing since the 2007 Patriots which you anointed the greatest thing ever 2 years ago. Here's hoping your anointing oil keeps little boy David a.k.a. Dallas Cowboys under the radar for at least through December.